19 Nov 2013

Guest Post #78: Capital Offense Book Date

3 Comments $20 Date, Clintonville, Guest Blog, Outdoor, Tastings

This week’s cheap & creative date is…

Local author’s formula for his perfect (unique) twist on a $20Date!

Prepare to have your mind blown.  Not only did I go on an amazing Twenty Dollar Date, but I’ve also got five boss rules that will revolutionize the way you woo your date.

Welcome to the world of Kurt Stevens, author of Capital Offense.

 Rule #1: Know who to date

There’s only one person that Kurt Stevens would go on a date with.  That person is Kurt Stevens.  I also brought along Kurt Stevens, because he’s the boss.  I guess that gives us $60 to spend, but I don’t need it.  $20?  That’s generous.

 Rule #2: Know how to party

samples_at_savor_growlYou don’t know how to party, unless you know how to party alone.

I started my date by grabbing a growler of beer from Savor Growl for $10.99.  That’s five beers of high-quality craft beer from the tap, in a take-home jug.  Plus there’s free samples from nice ladies.

Then I snagged a pint glass, and I kicked things off by drinking a beer alone in the dilapidated basement of an abandoned house.  That’s how a boss parties—alone, in a basement, preferably with asbestos.

 Rule #3: If you’re not making friends, you don’t have friends

What do you think I am, an alcoholic?  The boss is not an alcoholic.

shoeless_bumI found this shoeless bum in an alley to share my growler with.  I met him behind Savor Growl.  Dude needs glasses.  But you know what they say, “No shoes, no shirt, no social services.”

 Rule #4: Don’t take chances—take risks

We could all die tomorrow.  Asteroid.  Nuclear war.  So why eat food that you know is safe, when you can eat food from a stand that might kill you?  It’s a calculated risk.

best_in_townJudging from the fact that this gyro cart is the self-proclaimed BEST IN TOWN, it’s a good risk to take.  I won, it was delicious.  These gyros might just be the BEST IN TOWN.

How much for this calculated risk?  5 bones—you gotta eat.

 Rule #5: Never spend money when you can make money

Speaking of risks, they say you’ve got to spend money to make money–and you’ve got to have money to spend money.

That’s why my next move on this thrifty date with myself was to start an illegal back-alley craps game.  Don’t know the rules of craps? ME NEITHER.  That’s why it’s important to be the house.  As they say, he who has the back_alley_crapsgold makes the rules.

I brought in $40.  Look for my new website, negativetwentydollardates.com to be launched in a few weeks.

 Rule #6: Self-expression is important

You didn’t see that one coming, did ya?  The boss is unpredictable.  And a little bit sensitive inside.

I went to a free write-in at The Salt Mines, hosted by Columbus Creative Cooperative.  It was a great group of people who came together for a few hours of dedicated writing time, to work on their individual projects.

writing_with_the_teetotalerI sat next to this teetotaler who wouldn’t let me read what he was working on.  But it’s okay, I stole his pen when I left.

A creative, quiet end to a magnificent night with two great guys (me and myself), and a bunch of new friends.  That’s how the boss dates.

 Rule #7: There’s no such thing as a free lunch, unless someone provides a meal that you don’t pay for.

So far I’d spent about $16 and brought in about $40.  I didn’t set out to make money, so I stimulated the local economy.  I bought four bags of Grippo’s for a dollar apiece and gave them to that bum in the alley.  I started with $20 and went home with $20.  New website idea – breakevendates.com.

That’s why they call me Even Steven—Even Kurt Stevens.

Armed with these six rules for dating, you should have no trouble taking your date to the 20th level and not spending a dime.

On the other thirty days of the month, when you’re not out on a BOSS DATE, be sure to check out my serial novel, Capital Offense, which releases new chapters for free every weekday at www.CapitalOffenseBook.com.  It’ll keep you entertained during those lonesome times between dates with yourself.

There are two types of people, those who work for the world, and those who make the world work for them.  Which type of Twenty Dollar Dater are you?

If you like this date, find more at CapitalOffenseBook.com. Date Idea: Order take-out & read Capital Offense at home with your honey! Thanks Kurt Stevens for this unique take on a $20Date :)

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I love finding creative ways to save money & have fun at the same time. $20 Dates was born out of this love! :)
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3 Responses to “Guest Post #78: Capital Offense Book Date”

  1. francine says:

    hilarious! :)